I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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