it's great music for shaving your balls
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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