my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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