I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
