that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
