He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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