Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
