i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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