all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
