The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
