it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
