The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
