i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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