I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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