Pappa wants mamma naked
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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