We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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