Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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