like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
