I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
