Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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