why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm both gender and math confused
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
