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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
