everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
