yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
