Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
