I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
