The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
