walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
