so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
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yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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