im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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