So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
