this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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