I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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