i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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