I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
