Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
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I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just had sex on a roof
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.