There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
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We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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