Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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