I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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