I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
