At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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