i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
