Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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