I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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