just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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