I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Randomize
