I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
