You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
