im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
