I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
