I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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