A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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