So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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