Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Vodka?
Forever.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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