Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize