Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
