Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
