Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
