i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm passing your future prison.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
