did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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