ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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