I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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