i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize