the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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