dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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