had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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